Meeting the Monster

Hey everyone!

Well, today something really weird happened: I went back to high school. Now this is not the first time I’ve visited my alma mater, but it always feels strange walking the halls without obsessing over a future homework assignment. I feel a bit like a lurker half the time as I linger around classrooms, waiting for beloved teachers to have a free moment.

But today I ran into a not-so beloved teacher.

In fact, I can confidently say that this specific person made my life a living hell. For those of you familiar with my autobiography, you’ll recognize her as “Ms. T” . . . for those of you who haven’t read it, I believe I described her as a cross between Cruella De Vil and the devil.

I still stand behind that statement.

This woman told me that nobody liked me. That I had no friends. That I was immature. That even my other teachers didn’t enjoy having me in class.

This woman glared at me every single day. To the point that another student turned it into a game. He would say, “Hey Marni!” just to see how long it would take her to rebuke me.

This woman booted me out of a team photograph because I was the only person who hadn’t won an award. She made me stand awkwardly (fighting back tears) while everybody else smiled for the camera.

This woman even left me behind in a Fred Meyers in Forest Grove, Oregon. At night. And she didn’t realize I was missing until I called her from the store. She also didn’t bother getting on the bus to pick me up. She left the task of retrieving one thoroughly petrified high school freshman to the team co-captains.

So, yeah, you could say I’m not her biggest fan.

Something I made pretty clear when I wrote my autobiography. But even though Ashland is a small town, I hadn’t crossed paths with “Ms. T” since Marni was released.

It's me! Sorta . . . I mean, it's a model with my name across her face!

Until today.

I was waiting outside my AP U.S. teacher’s room when she appeared from her lair . . . I mean, classroom. Maybe I looked suspicious, since I was just listening to my music and walking in circles to pass the time.

Regardless, she asked if I needed something and I explained that I was waiting for Mr. H and I think that’s when recognition kicked in.

She asked if she could have a minute to speak with me. The last time we had a private chat it began with the aforementioned string of insults and ended with me sobbing hysterically into the phone as I begged my mom to pick me up from school (I was too emotionally devastated to walk up my hill. That may sound overdramatic, but it’s the truth).

So I wasn’t exactly bubbling over with enthusiasm at the thought of another heart-to-heart, even eight years later.

But I couldn’t help wondering what she was going to say. I knew that she had heard about my autobiography and I braced myself for a lecture. For the showdown of the century.

But instead she said that she heard about the book and that other people told her it was all lies . . . so she hadn’t bothered to read it. And then she said: I truly hope, from the bottom of my heart, that someday you realize none of it happened.

Which is laughable really. I mean, for starters: somebody told her that what I wrote about a private conversation between the two of us was a lie?

Um, how would anybody know that?

Then there’s that one other pesky little detail, what was it again? Oh right.

I told the truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth.

Then there was that other funny part. You know, where she says none of it actually happened. Really? Because I’m pretty sure it did. I know I’ve got a good imagination but I tend to have a very accurate memory. Just like I remember talking with other kids “Ms. T” has singled out to destroy over the years.

They all had similar experiences to mine, actually.

So . . . no. I don’t think there is anything wrong with my memory.

But that didn’t stop her from yammering on about how she wished me nothing but the best and how she really hoped, for my sake, that someday I would realize how wrong I was.

Here’s the cool part: I didn’t care.

All that power she had over me in high school was gone. It was as if she had snared me with an Imperious curse and it wasn’t until now that I could see beyond it. She went from being, quite literally, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (or less formally, You-Know-Who) to being just a woman.

Even Voldemort can lose the scare factor!

Do I still think she’s probably a horrible person who continues to emotionally abuse some of her students?

Yes.

Do I wish the school administration had taken action when I told them exactly what I had experienced?

Hell yes.

I know what you’re thinking:

Am I right? Worst teacher ever! (Spoiler alert!) I know some people like him, but I just don't see how his desire to get it on with Harry's mom is in any way redeeming. Sorry.

But the funny part is that if it hadn’t been for her, I never would have become an author. The whole reason I started writing in high school was because I needed a way to process all the toxic things she had said/done to me. I needed an outlet, a way to transform real life into something more bearable.

And here I am.

She no longer has power over me. She doesn’t grade my work and she certainly can’t get away with telling me that nobody likes me. I mean, theoretically, she could . . . but I would laugh in her face. I’m not that petrified young girl now. I don’t have to answer to her. Frankly, the only person I still have to answer to is my own conscience, which does a pretty god job of steering me in the right direction.

So hopefully my inner demons will be as easy to vanquish as this particular outer demon.

I’d love to hear about your experiences with bullying, high school bloodsuckers, or power struggles. Actually, I’d love to hear whatever you want to share! So I hope you’ll leave a comment below. I think hearing other people’s struggles can really help people (especially those whom are currently struggling with a nasty hellbeast) feel less alone.

Sincerely,

Marni

Grandma is on the mend!

Hey everyone!

My grandma is going to be just fine.

*Huge sigh of relief*

Yesterday was spent sitting in the hospital cafeteria waiting to hear how she was doing. Oh yeah, and being barraged by my loving relatives. The phone lines were pretty quiet when we showed up at 4am but that was the lull before the storm. So I stared blearily at the double doors (without coffee), waiting for the doctor to appear. And I kept assuring everyone that yes, I’ll let you know just as soon as I hear something!

So we all just waited . . .  and waited . . . oh, and did I mention that we waited?

But she came through the surgery like a champ and is now recovering nicely.

She rested well into the afternoon and now she’s up and checking her email. Which leaves me on guard duty. I’ve been given the difficult task of trying to run interference between my grandma and her friends.

Let me explain: the most overwhelming eighty year olds on earth are her pals from the Los Angeles Bicycle Group. She needs some more time to heal before she’s ready for the full onslaught of concern. So we’ve been talking to an anxious Marge every few hours.

It’s sweet, really.

Anyhow, I need to go make sure my grandma rests. Thanks for all the kind messages of concern over the past few days! My entire family really appreciates all the support!

Sincerely,

Marni

Friday the 13th Better Not Mess With Me!

Hey everyone,

Lately, I’ve been pretty quiet on the Internet (well, for me) because three days ago my Grandma had a mini-stroke. This happened a day after my cousin was caught in a Houston flash flood and escaped from her car by climbing out the window.

According to my cousin, the water had receded a foot before she took this picture. That was after she helped rescue someone else from their car and then helped a third stranger push his car three blocks to safety. In heels.

On the plus side, I think this counts as superhero training. In the downside, her car was totaled.

Yeah, so that sucked.

Although I think she’s mainly annoyed that she ruined her favorite pair of heels. My cousin is kind of a nut that way.

But back to the point.

So I was feeling very grateful that my cousin hadn’t fallen down a manhole (which sounds funny, but really isn’t. I’m so glad she made it out okay) when my grandma called from Palm Springs saying that she had a mini-stroke at 2am. of course, my grandma also decided she could go back to sleep and call us in the morning.

She’s that kind of 83 year old woman.

So my brother instantly drove out to Palm Springs so that she could be treated by her doctors in LA while I sat uselessly around the house. Occasionally I cleaned. Mostly I berated myself for my lack of driving skills.

Then two days ago we got the results back from the doctor and instead of showing one mini-stroke like she expected, it showed two of them. The doctor then pointed out that her carotid artery was over 80% clogged and that she needed immediate surgery.

Did I mention that the power (and the Internet) went off that day? Because that happened too. So we were quite literally in the dark while we tried to figure out how quickly we could schedule my grandma’s surgery.

Thank goodness my aunt flew out to LA immediately. I am so incredibly glad that she’s taking charge of the situation. She’s absolutely brilliant in times of crisis.

So this morning at 4:45am the three of us left for the hospital and now my grandma is officially in surgery.

Since I wasn’t able to sleep until 2am, I’m more than a little tired. But the coffee is helping and I think we only have another two hours of waiting to go.

But Friday the 13th better not try to mess with my family. Not today.

My grandma having a great time in Africa a few weeks ago.

Think good thoughts everyone!

~Marni

How Marni Met Ellen (DeGeneres)!!!

Hey everyone!

Yesterday, my toughest 2012 resolution came true!

I met Ellen DeGeneres!!!!!!

Okay, deep breath. Here’s how it happened:

My lovely (and incredibly talented) friend Nina Berry works at Warner Brothers by day and writes novels by night. I know, she’s pretty much a superhero.

I wanted to find out whether Nina’s as awesome in person as she is on Twitter (Answer: heck yes! You can follow her at @NinaBerry) so we agreed to meet at the Warner Brothers lot in Burbank.

Four buses and a metro ride later, I was clutching my special pass and trying to pretend that I wasn’t an Oregonian gaping at Hollywood in all it’s splendor. I understand that most people wouldn’t describe Burbank, LA as awe-inspiring but . . . that’s how I saw it.

Everyone was super nice too! I showed up to my lunch date crazy early (because I was paranoid that I’d get lost and end up in Compton or something) so I wandered around and met lots of interesting people. I peeked at the gutted remains of the Chuck set . . . and then I chatted with the crew on the set of Are You There, Chelsea who are all excited about their premier. Best of luck, guys! Hope it gets picked up!

I even ran into someone from my hometown Ashland, Oregon! He graduated from my high school two years before me! So completely random.

And at one point I was mistaken for a movie star. That made me feel pretty darn good.

But let’s fast forward a bit to the good parts, shall we?

I met up with Nina at the commissary for lunch and we proceeded to discuss YA fiction and writing and Buffy and about a billion other things. We shared writing pet peeves and had an absolutely wonderful time. Talking to Nina had me wanting to start hunting for an apartment here. So . . . yes, I do think a move is in my future.

Once I finish up with my degree.

But Nina had to get back to work, so I bid her a fond goodbye and continued my wandering.

Which is when it happened.

Okay, so I knew I was “wandering” in the direction of the set of The Ellen Show. But I didn’t really expect to see her. And I figured that even if I did catch a glimpse, I wouldn’t want to interrupt because she’s a very busy woman who probably has to deal with hyperventilating fans every single day.

So I was just going to go over there and chat with her security guard. Honest.

Fun fact: the security guards at Warner Brothers are really nice. I’m sure they are also highly effective at their job. But being on security didn’t prevent them from being friendly and I appreciated that.

Anyhow, I was chatting with someone about California weather when I looked over and . . .  there was Ellen DeGeneres.

And I mean right there. We’re talking about a distance of a few feet and she appeared to be waiting for someone.

That someone was definitely not me.

But I wasn’t about to walk away from this kind of opening. I was too close to my unattainable goal to chicken out. I’ve been mentally preparing myself for this precise moment for . . . oh I dunno, YEARS!

Yes, I know that makes me the most ridiculous geek.

But whatever.

So I walk over with this ridiculous grin on my face. The one I get when I’m so incredibly excited about something my Italian genes make a surprise appearance and I find myself with flailing arms that refuse to settle.

I have a feeling it looked something like this:

So with that euphoric/disbelieving grin plastered on my face, my feet carried me over to her and my brain . . . stalled.

Gone were all the polished pre-prepared speeches I imagined delivering ever since I wrote Awkward. Instead she got this:

Me: Hi! I’m a big fan. I wrote you into my novel. Um, HI!

Ellen: Hi.

Me: I think you’re amazing. And, wow . . . I thought I’d play it cool. I’m not playing it cool.

(Hands start shaking uncontrollably.)

And then Ellen laughed in a really nice way. There wasn’t even a trace of Oh-God-here-it-goes-again. Just a friendly sound that made my hands shake even more because I just made Ellen DeGeneres laugh!

I swear, I was even thinking in italics.

And then I told her a little bit about Awkward but it was a little hard to talk given that I was trembling and all I could think was: Ellen DeGeneres. Ellen DeGeneres. Ellen DeGeneres.

So I sort of made it sound like she had actually interviewed my fictional main character. Which obviously, she didn’t. Anyhow once we got that cleared up, I mentioned I started a campaign to get on her show. And then she explained that she has only had one other writer on her show before (Jonathan Safran Foer) and that unless Awkward becomes a huge hit, it wasn’t likely I’d make it on the show.

Which just means that everyone should go out and buy a copy of Awkward!

And I nodded because at that point, I didn’t really much care whether I made it on the show or not. I had just told a woman that I greatly admire that she inspired part of my novel. Best of all, she was every bit as nice as I had always hoped she would be. So I thanked her and then asked for a photo.

Then I looked like a complete dork when I whipped out my laptop so I could take it on Photo Booth.

Marni Bates with Ellen DeGeneres. Still can’t believe it actually happened.

Then she had to go back to work so we said goodbye and I proceeded to call every member of my family.

And I snapped just a few more photos for all of you to enjoy:

I’m on Ellen!

And that’s my grand Ellen adventure!

If you want to relive the Get Marni On Ellen Campaign, here’s the music video I made:

And if you haven’t seen the Awkward Book Trailer I made, you should really check it out here!

I should probably get back to my writing now!

~Marni

2012 Resolutions, Awkward, and Ellen DeGeneres!

Hey everyone!

So, I didn’t technically do anything to ring in 2012. No crazy parties. No funny hats. Heck, I didn’t even stay up until midnight. I crashed at 5pm because my jetlag coming back from Africa absolutely flattened me.

But 2012 may very well go down as the best year in Marni History.

For a few reasons, actually. 2012 is the year I will graduate from college. It’s the year that I will make all sorts of big exciting decisions (like where I want to live and what I want to do professionally). It’s also going to be the year I finally learn how to drive!

Unless I can convince someone to drive me around in one of these...

Unless I can convince someone to drive me around in one of these, of course!

But I’m sure when I look back at 2012, the first thing to come to mind will always be that on January 1st, my debut YA novel AWKWARD was released!!!!

HOORAY!!!!!

See, that’s the best way to kick off a year.

It doesn’t feel real. I know that my book is in stores…sitting on shelves in Barnes & Noble just waiting to be purchased…and yet, every time I read a review it comes as a shock that someone else has read it. That Mackenzie, Logan, Jane, Corey, Chelsea and the rest of the gang no longer belong exclusively to me. And I’m thrilled because I’ve wanted to share them for quite awhile now.

So to celebrate the release of Awkward, I created a book trailer!

Feel free to comment and share it with others! The more the merrier!

Creating this video was one of my 2012 resolutions and I’m incredibly pleased that I can cross one thing off the list. Here’s the rest of my goals:

Resolution 1: Get on the Ellen DeGeneres show.

That’s right. I haven’t given up. Sure, I hoped that Ellen would see my YouTube video and call me up right away.
But it’s okay. I understand. She’s an incredibly busy woman. That doesn’t mean I’m going to give up the dream. If I had allowed rejection to faze me, I wouldn’t have a four book deal now. In fact, I wouldn’t have even bothered writing Awkward. What’s the point if I was destined for rejection?
Well, now it’s out in stores.
So Ellen DeGeneres: I will be on your show in 2012.
I hope.
Call me.
Resolution 2: Finish college.
I think that one is pretty self-explanatory. I’m definitely looking forward to having that ridiculously expensive piece of paper clutched in my fist. You know, the one that says I’ve got a degree in English. Which should really help me become an author! Wait a second…
Resolution 3: Learn to drive.
But I already mentioned that. Moving on!
Resolution 4: Be more health conscious.
This also seems pretty self-explanatory. Eating better…working out…all that stuff I keep meaning to do, but don’t.
Resolution 5: Write three novels.
A lofty goal, I know. But I have a new idea for a series that I’m super excited about writing. I can’t reveal anything yet, but I’ll be sure to keep everyone posted on my progress.

Resolution 6: Be happy.

I feel quite confident that this resolution isn’t going to be hard for me to maintain. Even without the release of Awkward, I’d be happy because my life includes so many wonderful people who inspire me every single day.

So I wish you all a very happy 2012!

Love,

Marni

Marni On Safari: Serengeti-Style!

Hey everyone,

I am in the most beautiful place on earth. I admit, I had my doubts about Africa before I came. Mainly because I had to get a boatload of shots and the woman who gave them to me kept insisting that I would experience all sorts of awful side effects. That part of the process was so freaking stressful and expensive that it made the idea of returning home after finals sound awfully tempting.

But now I am so glad I chose to travel with my family.

On the road in Kenya.

Not that some parts of it haven’t been rough. Yesterday we were supposed to drive from Kenya into Tanzania in a completely doable three hour long journey. Excellent plan. It would have been absolutely perfect if it weren’t for the fact that our bridge was washed out by recent rain. Our three hour drive became fourteen hours. Now, one of the problems with traveling as a family is that everyone inevitably acts half their age. So for almost this entire fourteen hour drive I was stuck behind two of my cousins (24 and 21 years old) who kept punching each other. Hours and hours of listening to:

“Hey!”

“Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!”

“Cut it out.”

Bam! Whap!

“OWWW!!!!”

“You jerk.”

“Don’t be a wimp.”

I think you catch my drift. To top it off, one of my cousins had some gastrointestinal issues. Let’s just say that the lions could smell us coming.

But now I am in paradise.

I am “tenting” at The Soroi (located in the Serengeti, Tanzania)!

Yeah, if this is tenting, I’m down to do this any day of the week!

Here’s my shower:

That’s right: I’m going to be bathing with this as my view:

Right above the freaking Serengeti!

I have wireless Internet too!

So…now I think I’ll leave you with a few last photos while I enjoy the lightning display over the land and nibble on popcorn.

All of these blobs are very happy members of my family.

I’d love to hear about your travel experiences? Have you ever gone somewhere that you never wanted to leave?

~Marni

 

Marni on Safari!

Hey everyone,

I am in Africa! That’s right: I took all of my finals at Lewis & Clark College early so that I could go on vacation with my family. So now I’m in Kenya and even though I’m exhausted, I will do my best to fill everyone in on my most recent ridiculous adventures.

I guess I should begin with my very up close and personal experience with some giraffes on my very first day in Nairobi.

There was some serious kissing!

Let me explain: giraffes love food pellets so much that as long as you put one in your mouth (and keep your lips firmly closed) it’s like letting a dog lick your face. Except, you know…it’s a giraffe!

Apparently they have very sanitary mouths, which is excellent because I was slobbered all over. I enjoying it immensely and would highly recommend the experience. Definitely keep your mouth shut though.

Then the next day I went to a baby elephant orphanage and it was every bit as adorable as it sounds. I got to pet baby elephants–one of which was only four weeks old.

And then my whole family piled into two jeeps and bounced around on rocky roads for five hours until we reached Masai Mara (where I am currently writing this post). It’s gorgeous here. Over 1000km of protected land where I have seen the warthogs and the antelope play. One of the biggest highlights for me was seeing a cheetah on the drive to the hotel. It was about seven feet away from me and without the aid of binoculars I could see every windblown tuft of hair on him. Or her…not too good at distinguishing genders yet. Another highlight was being surrounded by a herd of elephants and today I saw an endangered black rhino as well as a pride of lions!

The cuteness factor here is ridiculous. Even the baby warthogs have me cooing over them. I will prove it by uploading photos…eventually. In the meantime, if you want to follow my adventures I’ll be tweeting the highlights (MarniBates is my handle) at #MarniOnSafari.

I’m running out of Internet time but I’ll be sure to post more soon!

Sincerely,

Marni