I don’t remember the last time I slept through the night. Now this could be because, y’know, I’m not thinking all that clearly right now. Still, I suspect it was…last week? The week before that?
My incredibly patient housemates could probably tell me. They’ve grown accustomed to seeing me emerge from my bedroom around 8pm with a serious case of bed-head and a chipper, “Good morning!”
So why am I not sleeping?
Well…I don’t really know. It’s not like I’ve decided to boycott one of my very favorite things.
Trust me, I would really like to be able to keep normal people hours. It’s just that every time I close my eyes at night, anxiety washes over me. I start thrashing around in bed, overwhelmed by all the things I have to do, all the goals I haven’t met, all the people I totally meant to email.
After an hour or two of this, I decide I might as well try to get some writing done. Because no matter how crappy my words are at 3am, it has to make me feel better than this.
I briefly debate trying to email my fans but realize that I’m not entirely coherent and it’s entirely possible that my grammar will be so bad that all my friends will send this Weird Al song to me!
This song is so great!
So instead of emailing/tweeting my lovely fans, I hide out at Starbucks. I write as my skin grows increasingly clammy and my heart feels like it is pounding in my throat. That’s when I force myself to pack up my things and go home. I’ve covered my window with a thick blanket, but the sun still insists on pestering me.
At this point, I pretty much pass out. It’s around 9pm when I wake up…just in time to spend another sleepless night attempting to decorate my dresser.
Rinse. Rise. Repeat.
I’m not entirely sure how to break the cycle, although I will be going to a pharmacy today. Sleep aids have always been my very last resort. Unfortunately, I’m there. I walked to Starbucks with two different shoes on my feet. I’m scared that if I try to cook the results will look like this…
Anyhow, if you are waiting for a response from me, please be patient. It’s not that I don’t care. I just need to get some sleep first!